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Gold Sand-Bag Award

sănd' băg v : To convince someone to climb a route that is either harder / scarier (or both) than you actually let on.


The most prestigious award that can be bestowed upon a Sand-Bagger, the Gold Sand-Bag Award is awarded by a majority vote of all climbers present at the time of the commission of an alleged Sand-Bag. The Award is then held by the recipient until it is passed on, however, once the Award has been bestowed, the title of Gold Sand-Bagger can not be relinquished.

Gold Sand-Bag Recipients


2 February 2006

It's time to confess! Dan and I had deliberately schemed to Sand-Bag Tom on Sardine (22).

Knowing that the route was quite overhung and pumpy it was just too much of a temptation to set up poor Gump.

It was worth it too, Tom took plenty of drops and also ended up getting himself a Nailclipper for his efforts, and he did it with style!

Heh heh.


Inaugural Golden Sand-Bag Award


Inaugural Sand-Bag Award for excellence in climbing Bastardry over a period of time:

Inaugural Sand-Bagger: Stewy aka Dr Nick.

Stewy received the Gold Sand-Bag Award for numerous Sand-Bags over the course of the year leading up to the announcement of the first Gold Sand-Bag Award. His achievements include trying to talk Adam and Quang into leading D Major, a climb requiring the use of RP's which they did not have, and succeeding in coercing Adam into leading Thor, only to admit (when Adam had reached the crux) "that's where I got to, before I decided it was too scary and backed off.....heh heh."



27 November 2003

Well, it has happened. Although I must say under protest, and not without controversy, but the vote was taken and the Golden Sand-Bag has been passed on to a new recipient..

The latest holder of the Golden Sand-Bag is: The Gimp. Adam.

Yes folks, it has been passed on to me, and I have been told to give an honest account of the events that led to the passing of the Sand-Bag, so here goes:

If the stories are to be believed, The Gimp climbed Dropout (17 metres) at The Billiard Table, placing only four pieces, with the first piece at five metres being a dodgy no. 3 stopper, and no more gear for another three metres. The next piece, placed just at the crux was a sideways placed no. 8 stopper, which also looked to be of dubious placement quality. After this, was a horizontal .4 camalot followed by a #1 camalot, leaving about three metres to the top.
It is further alleged that The Gimp did then deliberately and maliciously over state the quality of the placements, and wilfully understate the difficulty and scare factor of the route, neglecting to mention the overhung nature of the climb and its ability to sap arm strength.
The next and possibly most heinous of all actions carried out by Adam is said to involve his active encouragement of the poor unsuspecting Quang to pull the rope through, and lead rather than second the climb.
Quang (minus hair helmet these days), innocently trusting the words of The Gimp, then made the mistake of following Adam up the route.
Upon reaching the first piece, Quang was heard to say: I'm not sure I'm happy about this!
Not much further on, Quang found himself halfway to the next placement with rapidly fading arms, and expressed his certainty that he indeed was not happy with the state of affairs as he placed a stopper before moving up to the # 8 placed by the Gimp. As he rested on the piece, Adam, who had seated himself on the top of The Billiard Table to watch his fiendish plan take fruit, was heard to say: well he's braver than me, I wouldn't have weighted that piece!
From this point on, satisfied that his work was done, and taking a great deal of satisfaction in a successful Sand-Bag, the Gimp then proceeded to attempt to disguise his Sand-Baggery by calling out words of encouragement and feigning excitement as Quang bravely made his way to the top of the climb.

For this shameful act, Adam, aka The Gimp, has been awarded the Golden Sand-Bag.

Meanwhile, fellow Member of the Golden Sand-Bag Hall Of Shame, Stewy has found out the true meaning of pain. In what was the real Sand-Bag of the week, and one that Adam is really proud of, Stewy was convinced that he should buy himself a pair of Dominators!!! Now THAT is a Sand-Bag if ever there was one folks! Dr Nick remarked that once you put on your Dominators the clock is ticking.... you have 15 minutes in which to climb before the shoes have to come off. Now you know why speed climbing was invented Stu!


15 January 2004

Who's a naughty boy then?

Last night, 15 January 2004, Tom and Stewy decided to set up a Top Rope on a variant of Gorilla My Dreams that they had come up with (and tentatively dubbed "Gorilla My Arse"). This entailed Stewy having to place a cam at about half-way up the route to stop climbers from swinging too far off-route in case of a fall. Placed at the crux of the climb, the cam also kept the rope from pulling climbers off-route by pulling them sideways as the route followed a diagonal crack up the overhanging wall. The moves immediately after the cam included a couple of desperate fist jams, crimps and laybacks, and one "scrot-hold" which were hard enough to do on the way up, but doubly hard, and very pumpy when down-climbing, which was required to re-clip the cam, and allow the next climber to ascend the route. Which brings us to the Sand-Bag in question.

The perpetrator of this heinous crime against his climbing friends is known to have wilfully and maliciously declared that he would climb the route, despite earlier claims that he would not as the route was too hard for him. "But, wouldn't this entail a self-Sand-Bag?" I hear you ask. Yes, dear reader it most certainly would, and that is part of the ingenuity of this nasty little piece of Sand-Bag work. You see, by declaring that he would climb the route, and seemingly put himself through the wringer so to speak, our newest and most insidious of Sand-Baggers sought to draw attention from the fact the he was in fact only attempting the climb to make the climber before him down-climb the route!! And there you have it! The most shameful Sand-Bag ever! Hang your head in shame dear Sand-Bagger, you know who you are by now, and perhaps even your poor unsuspecting victim is beginning to suspect your identity!

I therefore announce that for his efforts in making Quang down-climb the very hard and pumpy "Gorilla My Arse" (20/21) Mark Hutton has been awarded the Golden Sand-Bag Award!

Dirty Dirty Sand-Bagger, Mark no doubt planning his next crime!

3 June 2004

Well, who would have thought you could be Sand-Bagged in the gym? Not me, that's for sure! But it has happened. Last night, our newest Sand-Bagger casually mentioned to me that there was a new 17 on the vertical wall, adding: "And you know, every time there's a new climb on that wall you have to lead it."

"Did you lead it?" I asked.

"Yep, it's interesting." Came the reply.

So, later in the night I decided to give it a go. Andy had just top roped it and seemed to have no problems.

"But what about clipping the bolts? They look too far away from the route." I asked.

"No, you can reach them okay."

So, up I went.... How did I go you ask? Well, I didn't fall, but let's put it this way, the guys behind the desk made Tom put crashpads below me! It was bloody hard, and pumpy, and what should have been an easy climb was damned awkward! Trying to clip the bolts was not an easy task! Hold which would have otherwise been fine on top rope became nasty little crimps that made it hard to hold while clipping, and were not positive at all!

So for this nasty piece of climbing bastardry, I hereby award the title of Golden Sand-Bagger to Mike Hillan!

9 September 2004

Okay, so Bizarro has really outdone himself this time! As mentioned in September News he has been getting others to do his dirty work, and it has paid off big time! He has managed to get me, The Gimp, the Golden Sand-Bag Award!

I have been nominated for the Golden Sand-Bag award for maliciously devising routes that are tricky and hard in order to take great delight in watching others fail miserably when they try to emulate my heroic deeds. By creating these routes and then recommending them to all who will listen it has been decreed that I am guilty of climbing bastardy and have therefore been awarded the Golden Sand-Bag Award!

I suspect that my partner in crime (Andy) turned on me when I created a route that he was unable to climb! Hmph! No Honour amongst Sand-Baggers!

All I can say is: you haven't seen Sand-Bagging yet

2-4 October 2004


A new standard in Sand-Bagging has been set.

During the course of the Arapiles Trip Tom was successful in committing a number of Sand-Bags, by picking routes for him and Gimp to climb, carefully memorising the details of each route, and where the crux pitches were. By agreeing to climb these routes with The Gimp, he tried to hide the fact that he was embarking upon an ambitious plan to commit climbing bastardry, but a close analysis of the pitches that he led reveals the awful truth!

Techniques ranged from: "You haven't led this route, so you can do the crux" ploy on the first route to: "I led the first pitch last climb, so it's your turn" and continued on: "with this route looks great, let's do something harder, you should love this one" ( on Yo-Yo, a route described as having a "show-stopping finger layback").

On the last day he managed to convince The Gimp to lead Ejaculation (a route with a habit for frightening the pants off unsuspecting leaders) by attacking his pride, suggesting that Dr Nick would be green with envy if "we" climbed it, while reasoning that: "we are much better climbers than we were when we last tried it."

Sneaky and devious, but also cunningly brilliant, Gump has raised the bar in Sand-Bagging!

The Feral bends The Gimp over in readiness for the screwing over that Gump is planning for him!

13 January 2005


Following a complaint from Gump, the Gold Sand-Bag has been passed on for what he claims takes the time honoured art of Sand-Bagging to new heights... Double Sand-Bagging! While directing the climber he was belaying, Matt, to the right of the route he wanted to be climbing [Clea Direct (15)] and thereby putting him onto Palm Oil (hard and scary 22), The Gimp also told Tom that the route he was on went to the left of his position, resulting in him coming to a blank section below a roof! Heh heh!

Although the Sand-Bag was initially denied, now that the truth is out in the open I might as well admit it... You got me Gump, but not before I got you!


25 September 2005


A Sand-Bag indoors is not easy to do, and yet Gump managed to pull one off!

Climbing indoors, my guard was down, and Gump pounced!

Having climbed a grade 15 route Tom came down and suggested that I climb the route in the same manner as he did at the top, thereby eliminating four holds on the right of the route.

Gump assured me that he had done the top of the problem without the top two right-hand holds and that it was much better this way, so off I went...

The bottom was certainly good, solid at grade 21-22, and then I got to the last move;

"Well stuff me, this is hard!" I thought as I tried to negotiate the high-step rock-on move with my right foot, while my right hand grasped the only hold some 50cm above it! Reaching high above my head with my left hand to try to grab the final hold with no left foot-hold and my right hand and foot in line with each other and below my waist, I missed and fell twice before finally completing the ridiculously hard move clean.

After watching me thrash about, Tom tied in to repeat the route again and was found out when he repeatedly failed to complete the move in such a pathetic manner that it was obvious that he hadn't done it before as claimed.

Dirty, dirty Sand-Bagger!


25 September 2005


For now, I think the following sound clip from video of Quang topping out on Moondance (15) sums it up. Click on the link below for the awful truth.

Nasty Secret

Oh, and the same person also managed to Sand-Bag himself by attempting Miles From Nowhere, a route that he suspected was harder and scarier than it seemed but chose to do anyway - our first ever self-Sand-Bag; idiot!

1 November 2005

It seems this idiot has forgotten that when Sand-Bagging someone it is supposed to be someone other than yourself!

After scaring the poo out of himself on Miles From Nowhere a few weeks ago he has gone and done it again!

So, for putting myself up Living On The Ceiling knowing that a drop was on the cards, and knowing that the gear was dodgy, I nominate myself for a Golden Sand-Bag.

Dickhead Gimp, get someone else!

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