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fĭg'jăm abbr & n. Acronym for F*** I'm Great! Just Ask me. Descriptive noun used to identify an individual who thinks that they are just the bee's knees, and wants everyone to know it!

2 Feb 2006

Never say "never" Meg!

Isn't it funny how no sooner does someone say that something is not likely to happen that it does? Megan had commented that due to my self-loving form (hmm almost a High Beam there) it was unlikely that I would have the mantle of FIGJAM taken away any time soon (if ever).

I replied that Dan was not to bad on the self-loving bandwagon and that it would not surprise me if he was holding the award some time soon.

>>> Fast forward 2 hours and I (Gimp) was rehearsing the final couple of moves on Geronimo's Cadillac (26) which both he and Dan had been working all night.

It's interesting to note that while we had both completed all the moves neither had managed to link the complete sequence for a clean ascent.

Interesting then that as I practised the moves Dan called up with the wonderful FIGJAM comment:

"Oh, do you go that way? I Go more to the left, it's much harder that way!"

Crank up the Beatles:

Love, love me do!

3 June 2004

Alas, it was me! After climbing a new climb that has been given a grade of 21, I came back down and said (just a little too loudly): "that's not a 21, technical 19 at best!" Only to notice that a number of folks heard me say this and were giving me dirty looks for having downgraded a climb they were happy to have gotten up. Whoops! Sorry, didn't mean to sound like a pompous git. Oh well, Bizarro, (Andy) suggested that this should deserve an award of some type, so there it is, the "FIGJAM" award. I think this should be also known as the "Stewy" after the now famous and oft heard comment:

"No way that's a 20! It's a 14 at best, seriously!"

FIGJAM 1 - 10 June 2004

Tom then threw himself at the white tags finally managing to get up the route (with a couple of rests). On his way back down from the top, Tom managed to earn himself the Sprayer Award by loudly proclaiming that it wasn’t really that hard and not really 21! Interesting seeing he had to rest! Well done Gump. Gump by the way progressively improving, now finding project climbs in the grade 22 to 23 range.

 FIGJAM 2 - 10 June 2004 (2 minutes later)

Meanwhile, Dr Nick graced us with his presence for one last climb before setting off for London. After seeing the efforts of Tom on the white tags Stewy decided to give it a go. Now, I don’t know what this says about our group, but we decide to have a new award based upon individuals big-noting themselves and telling everyone about how great they are, and it changes hands three times in the space of two climbing sessions! Tom had only just been awarded the Sprayer, and had only just untied when this little gem regarding Stewy’s chances of climbing the white tag route fell from the lips of the Good Doctor:

“Well, Tom climbed it and I’m a better climber than him!” Now, you would expect some form of contrition or attempt to qualify such a comment during the ensuing uproar this caused from all who heard, but no, not from Doctor Nick! He then went on to defend his remarks with: “What? It’s true, I’m only applying logic to the situation! I don’t see what the fuss is!” and that was it.

There was no ‘I’m sorry that didn’t quite come out the way I meant it,’ nope, Stu just stood firmly behind his comments and looked at us all as if we were mad for thinking anything amiss.

 16 June 2004

Okay, I think for his recent spray about being better than me while leading the 17 described in the Golden Sandbag Award above in a recent email, The FIGJAM has to go to Mike Hillan. I lost the email due to computer problems, but the essence of it was:

I don't deserve the Golden Sandbag Award because I thought you (GIMP) were a better climber than me, but you led the route like a lame 3 legged Water Buffalo, whereas I (Mike) led it with the grace of an Angel, and therefore following the logic of Dr Nick, I am a better climber than you!

24 June 2004

Okay so I got it again! It was a mistake this time too! Honest! The same 21 climb that I made the comment about in the first FIGJAM award looked like it was written up as a 2 because the 1 was on the edge of the blackboard paint, and I passed comment from across the gym that 2 was more like it. Well, someone in between me and the climb thought it was talking to them, so they replied and I just said something along the lines of:

"Oh, sorry I wasn't talking to you, I was just saying that the climb over there is more like a 2 than a 21."

That was all I said, but Tom heard it, and there you go, FIGJAMmed again!

October 2004 (all of it)

It has also been decided that my main motivation for creating hard routes at the gym is not only motivated by my anti-social desire to see others struggle, but to emphasise what a great climber I am.


It is alleged that by devising climbs that no-one else can climb I am actually seeking to show everyone just how much of a Master of the Universe I really am and so with these stinging accusations ringing sharply n my ears I am ashamed to say that I have also been simultaneously awarded the FIGJAM Award!


Oh, The Gimp is dirty on this one, yes indeed! Nice one Andy, but your time is coming, oh yes!

And Just For good measure, also October 2004

Ahhh Poo! Awards have a habit of creeping up on you when you least expect them. In an attempt to pay out Tom tonight I managed to make an absolute arse of myself in a manner that only Dr Nick could hope to surpass!

Tom, having just climbed a 12 then 16 absent-mindedly tied in to the rope to climb for the third time in a row, despite the fact that I had only climbed once... when I queried him on this he replied that he may as well go ahead and climb now, to which I responded:

"Well it will be interesting to see you climb something without watching me do it first."

Bugger! I can't deny that as one heck of a FIGJAM!


January 2005

Well, thank GOD I finally got rid of this bloody award! And from his form lately this lad just might keep hold of it for a while.

Not backward in coming forward when discussing his abilities or conquests on the rock, young Dan has earned himself the FIGJAM for a series of "I climbed that with my other climbing friends, funny that I can't do it today."

Yeah Dan, and when no-ones looking at me I can do one arm, one finger chin ups too!

It's a spray, no two ways about it, well, now you can tell your other climbing friends all about the Award you got for climbing!

Summer 2006

Let's face it Gimp, no-one loves you more than you! I'm not exactly sure how I got the award for a large portion of summer, but I'm sure that someone will remind me.



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